Thursday, February 19, 2009


or, I Try my Hand at Product Placement

There once was a gal from Wenatchee
Whose snatch was so dry it was scratchy.
To improve lubrication
(And enjoy the sensation)
She purchased a wand from Hitachi.

Wenatchee (pop. 27,856 in 2000) sits at the meeting of the Wenatchee and Columbia Rivers in Central Washington (Wikipedia). It is perhaps best known for its many apple orchards, producing apples enjoyed around the world (ibid). The city's name comes from the Wenatchee tribe who inhabited the area, whose name in turn means "great opening in the mountains", referring to the Tumwater Canyon where the Wenatchee River pushes through the Cascade Mountains (Brokenshire).

Monday, February 16, 2009


A young zoophile from Tenino
When accused by the zoos there would cry "No!
The zebra's eighteen,
I asked the wolverine,
And I never looked at that rhino!"

Tenino, WA (pop. 1,447 in 2000) is a small town southeast of Olympia (Wikipedia). In its first years as a settlement, it served primarily as a stop on the railroad, but from the late 1880s to about 1920 its primary industry came from sandstone quarrying (Tenino History by Dwelley). Today, the town acts largely as a bedroom community for larger cities such as Olympia and Tacoma (Wikipedia). Local folklore has it that the town's name comes from Ten-Nine-Oh, claimed to be either the local railroad station number or the number of a train that regularly came through, but the name Tenino actually derives from the Chinook word for "fork", in reference to a fork in an old trail near the town (Washington State Place Names).

Wednesday, February 11, 2009


or, Yes, That "E" Really is Silent

A very cool hipster from Sequim
Never had a sincere bone in him.
He'd ironically fuck
And sarcastically suck;
It was all tongue-in-cheek when he'd rim.

Sequim, WA (pop. 5951) sits on the northern coast of the Olympic Peninsula. Unlike most of the area, Sequim receives very little rainfall, approximately 16 inches a year (Weather Information from Sequim's Tourism Site), and quite a bit of sunlight, due to it's position in the rain shadow of the Olympics (Sequim Wikipedia). For this reason, it is prime lavender growing country, and claims to be the "lavender capital of North America". Sequim hosts an annual Lavender Festival. The town's name comes from the native word "such-e-kwai-ing", which means "quiet water" (Washington State Place Names).

Wednesday, February 4, 2009


or, This is What I'm Talking About with the Ridiculous Town Names
or, This is in the First Person but it's not Autobiographical Learn to Separate the Narrator from the Poet this is Lyric Poetry After All Come on People

After sex with a lass from Cowiche
My crotch has become rather itchy.
And now it's all scabby.
I've gotten quite crabby,
So I'm sorry if I have been bitchy.

Cowiche, WA is an unincorporated agricultural town near Yakima in central Washington (Wikipedia). It's name comes from the Native word for "foot log", after a creek bridge nearby (Washington State Place Names).


A charming young fellow from Kent
Has a cock that is wonderfully bent.
For g-spot stimulation
Accept no imitation--
Take only the dick with the dent.

Kent, WA, pop. approx. 83,501 in 2006 (Wikipedia), is an outlying suburb southeast of Seattle. "Kent" may seem like a boring name, especially in comparison to the settlement's original name of "Titusville", but it was an attempt to link the town's then-booming hop growing industry to the hop center of England (thanks again to Washington State Place Names).


or, An Old Rhyme Re-envisioned

I once knew a lass from Tacoma
Whose twat had a wondrous aroma.
When the lads took a whiff
About half would get stiff.
The rest would fall into a coma.

Tacoma, WA, with a population of almost 200,000, is the third largest city in the state (gathered from Wikipedia). It sits on the beautiful Puget Sound, along the slightly-less-beautiful I-5. For many years, it was famed for its distinctive smell, the "Tacoma aroma" which I have here reworked into a pussy joke. Tacoma is also home to the University of Puget Sound, a college to which I applied but did not attend. Tacoma's name comes from a Native American name for Mt. Rainier (gathered from my beloved Washington State Place Names by James W. Phillips).